What do you think of this beginning?

Your grammar needs a bit of work; there were several places that needed commas and the opening line, which has a comma, shouldn't. Also, stay away from that much detail on the eyes. It's a clic Mary-Sue trait- the fascinating eye color factor. You might mention they were noticeable, attractive, perhaps even strange, but DON'T, I repeat, DON'T spend three or more sentences on it. Also try describing the hair as a mahogany brown. That way it looks less like over idealized physical coloring (another clic Mary-Sue trait) and more live a well rounded description.